………I fear the elderly. Yes, that is correct, I am afraid of the elderly. Please understand that I do not say this in jest, I am figuratively and literally afraid of old people. As utterly ridiculous as it sounds, being in close proximity to elderly folk causes mental and physical discomfort to me. My heart begins to race, rational thought leaves my mind and I am instantly greeted with the primal instinct of fight or flight. Fight is not an option for me, mainly because that would mean in some way I would have to touch them, fact of the matter is I will not even get in a pool if a senior citizen is contaminating the water. So I run. I would like you to imagine a young man in line at the food court who about faces and leaves mid order because an old man got too close wanting a free sample of bourbon chicken. It is absurd, I have no basis for it and this fear prevents me from doing certain things in life based on my irrational, emotional cowardice. Grocery shopping Sunday mornings is just not an option for me, the same could be said for shuffleboard.

It is called Gerontophobia and I am told it stems from the fear of growing old. While I admit that an outward projection of my own mortality displayed on the fedora wearing hunch back in the light blue polo tucked so far deep in his pants that his belt has taken the role of the connecting tissue which should be holding his ribs to his spine, a plausible argument, I still believe that anything with an impending relationship with the angel of death should be avoided just in case of a potential mix up(all of us have had an off day at work). While this undoubtedly sounds ridiculous to many of you, to me there is a much more outlandish, and sadly prevalent, fear crippling the minds of many and holding those back from far more important things than my absence to early bird specials. Failure.

The fear of failure, also called Atychiphobia(I’ll give the assist to Google on this one) is as preposterous to me as my fear of Grandpa Schlomo is to you. Maybe this is why I stand out from the crowd. The crowd exists because those who inhabit it are afraid of what will happen if they venture out. They take safe jobs, they do not invest, they never approach the attractive minx across the bar, they stifle ideas, they do not succeed and more importantly they do not learn. I do not view failure as a negative, in fact I personally do not believe failure even exists. Failure is just education in disguise. Failure is an opportunity to learn, grow and develop. I understand that failure to dodge a bullet is a lesson that none of us want to learn but the beauty of our time grants us access to unlimited information on the failures of others to learn from by mere observation.

Many people will never try or do things in life that will offer the spoils success(money, power, fame, women, accomplishment) for nothing more than the fear of learning a lesson or even accomplishing what they set out to do! Yes that is right, people who are afraid to fail are afraid to succeed. You never started that business, gave that presentation, or implemented that new policy because you were afraid it wouldn’t work. You never went to the gym because you were afraid you would never get that six pack. You didn’t talk to her because you were afraid she would say no. We were not afraid. That is why we got promoted, took her home and ripped off our shirts in confidence.

-The Standout

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